Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
