How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
