My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
