I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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