Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
