Pregnant stripper...not hot.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
