I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
