You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
