I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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