i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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