i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize