just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
