also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
