3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Small penises have feelings too.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
