She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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