HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
