I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
