I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
smell my finger.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
