; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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