This girl is more easily done than said...
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
