how can u be prego again
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
