someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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