Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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