this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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