How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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