i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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