Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize