Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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