You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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