Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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