Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
cat food counts as protein by the way
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
