I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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