My Higher Power is John Stamos
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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