Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
