Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
