Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
And the cops told us we were all naked.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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