Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
We left the knife in your bed.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
