are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
