I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
