Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
