your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Did I show you my penis last night?
We talked him into tasing himself.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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