Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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