He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
