Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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