sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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