then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
