im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
