im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
