The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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