you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
