i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
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