I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
