she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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