he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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