i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
