is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
