dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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