I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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