sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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