If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Randomize
