i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
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