The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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