who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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