Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
