whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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