the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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